Since I was a kid I have always loved studying art and the history behind it. One day I stumbled upon this form of art called Kintsugi. It is a form of art in Japan where when a piece of pottery becomes broken it is put back together with gold, silver or platinum. I have always loved the Asian culture and its art (as well as the history) so seeing how they could make beauty out of something that was broken was amazing to me.
Later in life I find myself thinking about that form of art in a different way. I look back on everything I have gone through and feeling a lot like a piece of broken pottery. I have felt like this so many times in my life its hard to count. The feeling of brokenness I am sure is not uncommon to many of you.
As I sit writing this I am reminded of something I was taught in Sunday school about Jesus being the potter and I am the clay. There have been countless times that I have been made to feel like I am useless or worthless because of whatever reason. Some may say that I shouldn’t allow people to make me feel this way or that its not their fault I took their words so badly. However, as we all know words are a powerful weapon. Words can be used to heal (lift up)or to destroy someone, so yes it is your fault when you hurt or offend someone.
Last year (June 2020)a person who had wronged me in so many ways passed away from covid 19. He passed away alone and I am sure scared and possibly even in pain. He was the 1st in the county where I grew up to die from this virus. In my eyes he was one of the worst people I ever knew. I gave him countless chances to ask for forgiveness from me or to own up to what damage he had caused but instead he chose to not have a relationship with me. I bring this man up because he was my father. He was never really in my life from the start and was incredibly selfish and cruel. He left pain in his wake. He died not knowing his granddaughter or the woman I became. When I found out he died I also found out the news broadcasted his funeral just because he was a local businessman (he and his side of the family owned one of the largest tow truck businesses in the area). I watched the funeral and all the people who came out to “honor” him and I can honestly say it made me mad. I couldn’t understand why so many thought he walked on water and honored him with such enduring words. In my eyes they were all fools, fooled by a con artist. I felt broken again because I never got closure after decades of hurt he caused me and my side of the family.
I went on days later asking God to help me forgive him once again. I found myself hoping that towards the end that he gave his life to our savior Jesus. A part of me still struggles with why he never wanted to make amends but in the end I know one thing for sure that Jesus has always been the father I never had, the father my dad never could be or wanted to be.
In the end I look at all my scars both emotional and physical and know that I am like a piece of broken Japanese pottery carefully put back together by a loving potter. The greatest potter this world has ever known took time (and is still taking time) to mend me and restore me with his loving touch to make me more beautiful than before. Kintsugi is a good metaphor for the embracing of flaws and imperfections and to see the beauty out of brokenness. I encourage each of you to remember you are worthy of love and so much more. Be strong, lean on the Lord and know that even in the darkest of times He is there.
—May God Bless you and keep you.
Small Moments 